I am so proud of my 2-year-old daughter I could scream. Not my normal scream: my normal scream is usually a mix of panic, desperation, and unbelief at whatever a toddler has climbed, eaten, hit, thrown, snuck, or destroyed. No, the scream I feel welling up inside me is a positive crazy sports-fan type of scream.
My daughter is amazing. For sure this is not the first time I have been incredibly proud of her, and for sure this won’t be the last. I have always seen a fierce tenacity in her; she is smart, determined, and committed. The difference is, although she is all those wonderful things and a thousand more, it is usually geared toward something she WANTS to do. Just like us adults right? Who is motivated for the things that annoy them? Sometimes it seems too hard to motivate her to do the hard things toddlers have to learn to do, like listening to Mom and Dad, even when it seems to suck the fun out of a moment.
The scream that is welling up inside me now is because my darling girl is TRYING, really really TRYING, to engage in what usually wouldn’t interest her. Lainy is practicing and really working her little heart out at listening and obeying us, her parents.
At the zoo last week I could see her little brain whirring as she calculated whatever she wanted to run ahead to with the merits of staying close to Mom and the stroller. Again and again in that few hours she chose wisely. That’s not to say that she still didn’t get benched at least once- she did, and that’s ok. But she seemed to notice, and I, her Mom, did too, that the freedom she did well with, allotted loads more freedom than normal. We were both proud.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I wonder if I demand too much from my kids. Keeping in mind that my children are still quite young, there have been many times where I am seriously talking with a child and I say, “That’s not how you behave!” Or, “Why don’t you understand?” Well, because how would they know? Have I taught them? “We don’t behave that way!” Yeah, well how ARE they to behave in that scenario? They’re not mind readers either.
However, there is also another common challenge: when you KNOW they know how to do something, like to stay in their chair at dinner. But it is SO hard for them.
The main demand in my house is: TRY. The phrase I am teaching my kids, although my 4 year old knows it well already, is, “Sometimes we do hard things.” You have to try. You don’t have a choice. Obeying Mom and Dad is the main goal, and that is a very hard thing for a toddler. I don’t expect them to obey every time, but I demand that they try.
I think, having frequent conversations about the demands of life are important. Then real life may not shock them. It is HARD to obey Mom and stay close to the stroller at the zoo. But we need to practice anyways because one day it will be easier. It is HARD to get your own shoes on, but one day it won’t be so hard, so we do the hard thing and practice today. It is hard to do what your boss wants you to do- but guess what- sometimes we do hard things.
So DO IT! Make a demand of your toddler! Because when you both recognize that they are working at trying to do the things that are hard for them, you can share some joyous screams together, like me and Lainy.
