A quest for the Holy Grail! Such is the journey for the best parenting solutions
I read every parenting book ever written for the best tried and true wisdom. Really, I am searching for the silver bullet, the perfect puzzle piece to forever make complete the insanity which is parenting life!
There may not be a parenting silver bullet, but there are absolutely a few solutions that are significantly important in the parenting journey.
I want to talk about two things that stand out over and over again as actual “solutions” to my parenting problems as they continue to make a positive impact in my day to day.
Don’t hold your breath or you may be sorely disappointed…
A T T I T U D E
Nothing can give you more solutions, more stamina, more clear headed thinking or problem solving abilities than committing to a positive attitude. That’s right. COMMITTING. You don’t just HAVE a good attitude. You have to feed it, maintain it, nurture it, and pet it- it exists only in cultivation.
Having a good attitude is way harder than it sounds. One very helpful thing for me has been looking at the craziness of my toddlers and deciding that they ARE in fact my mirror.
I thought as much the other day as my 4 year old turned to me and yelled, “No, YOU lost the privilege!” What he had said was hilarious. But his tone was my mirror. Just moments before that is exactly what I sounded like to him. It seems that nothing works more against my goals for my kids than myself. If I don’t want my 4 year old giving me loud attitude all day long, maybe I should be more focused on what tone he is hearing consistently.
The second concept I have found exceedingly helpful; a key that can offer perseverance to the dullest of attitudes, is as follows:
T H I S T O O S H A L L P A S S
The worst parts of it will pass, at least- usually.
The fussing and fits, the whining, sickness, tantrums, potty training, the sleepless nights, or more realistically, the 800 horrible nights of sleep.
This… Too… Shall… Pass…
This idea brings me comfort. I have found that in 6 weeks (on average), usually everything is different. For better or for worse. A lot changes for babies and little kids in 6 weeks.
Wonky nap situation? Give it a few weeks: everyone will be on a new schedule. Bad nights? Give it a few weeks: you might be out of the frying pan and into the fire, but it won’t be the same! Kid not eating something? Give it to them every day for a few weeks and then reassess… Ok, so they’re still not eating it, but you get my point.
Saying, “This too shall pass,” is encouraging to someone like me. To others it could feel disingenuous and pointless in the weight of the ordinary stressors of life. With growth and development, the chaos and confusion, there are patterns but no absolutes. Your pattern may be different from mine. But it too shall pass, eventually.
Reality is a treacherous task, however: it passes- quickly. Knowing it will be gone soon is also sad. A quick mood booster for me is to look at my most obnoxious toddler at the moment and think: “If they woke up tomorrow, 5’10” with more important things to do than to hang out with me, what would I have wished to have done with them on their last day of toddlerhood?” Spoiler alert: the answer would not be snapping and snarling at them to give me some space. It would include way more cuddles and kisses.
Life may feel chaotic and out of your grasp, but you CAN take an active part in how you respond!
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.”
― Walt Whitman
