I am in ALL the mommy facebook groups.
If you’re in any of them too, this is for you.
This is an open letter exposing my secrets (and maybe yours) so we can upgrade our fun relationship to the next level of awesomeness and security.
We all know or believe that our particular group transcends the mommy war drama. But there are ALWAYS threads that make you take in breath, roll your eyes and keep on scrolling- and maybe you want to pretend that your fellow mamas couldn’t be so mean. But we can. Seriously, we love our kids, and we are passionate about what we believe.
So I am going for transparency, and going to confess my deepest mom-group secrets. Maybe you can relate...
Beware the lurker and quiet spectator, like me. I like your cute baby pictures, and I want to know about your latest mommy hacks. Just because I don’t comment doesn’t mean I don’t care. I rarely make time for an actual discussion, but if the thread interests me I activate the “turn on notifications for this post” button.
I lied on the “what I served tonight” meal thread. I really did make ratatouille-at some point in the not so distant past You asked on a desperate night when my husband brought home Chipotle- and there is nothing wrong with that except that the same thing happened on the LAST meal thread discussion. I can only be that girl so many times before you guys question if I can actually cook.
I refuse to take parenting advice from you if you haven’t actually had your kid yet. If I ask for input and 3 moms offer advice I usually take the advice of the mom with the most/oldest kids. And yes, I WILL go to your profile to check.
I will read through ANY medical question you post. However, there are some hard and fast rules we should all start living by:
-If your little one has a rash or funny poop for heaven’s sake leave the picture in the COMMENTS so I can KEEP SCROLLING if I’m not in the mood! (but use good tags so I can search it later when my kid has a similar rash).
-If you suspect your child has a concussion go to the ER.
-If you DO take your baby to the ER make sure to update us a few days later so we know all is well.
Use discretion when talking about your spouse. If you’re having marital problems, please talk to your paramour before telling us all about it.If you fully trash talk your spouse at any point, I will most likely go to your profile to see if he “looks like a jerk too.” But seriously, please get off the computer and make things right.
We’re not going to change each other’s minds on the big stuff. So, in defense of your convictions, post your favorite peer-reviewed, clinical trial-ed, and non-blog articles, and (technologically) WALK away.
I really can see that line on your pregnancy test- but it doesn’t matter because you pulled it out of the trash an hour after you took it- and I know an evap line when I see it. When in doubt, get a pink dye test and wait a few days.
It’s nice to have people in the trenches with you, so let’s focus on the things we have in common: long days, sleepless nights, baby snuggles and basking in the highs and lows of motherhood.
