Book Title: Green Eggs and Ham
Author: Dr. Suess
Recommend: Highly
R A N T
Do you ever zone out when you’re driving, and then all of a sudden snap out of your daydream and realize you’ve gone 5 miles in the right direction, with no knowledge of having actually driven the mileage, and yet somehow, you are still ALIVE!?
This is me almost every time I read, “Green Eggs and Ham”. Did you know you can intentionally zone out while still READING aloud every word in a ridiculously and shockingly lengthy kid’s classic? I HAVE and frequently DO.
“Green Eggs and Ham” is an insufferable read.
I KNOW I am using that term correctly because I suffer unbearably when I read it. There is something about “Green Eggs and Ham” that seems oppressive, tedious, and always 10 times longer than I expect.
Every time this book is requested in my house, my heart drops. When a kid runs over to me with that bright orange hardback of doom yelling “This one! This one next!” and another calls out, “Haaaammmmm!!!” I know deep in my heart of hearts, that I CAN’T I just CAN’T EVEN, read that WHOLE thing again.
But I can. And I Do.
Sometimes I read it twice.
I attempt to see how spaced out and daydreamed I can make myself while still being able to read the story word for word, which requires a bit of concentration as the meter or words switch up enough to have to engage the reader. For example: of the 8 sentences on page 24, the first 4 alternate, “Not in a-” with “Not with a-.” But then the next 4 sentences goes as follows: 3 with, “I would not-” and then one lone “I do not-” It is enough to drive me mad! Or I could just stay focused so I’m not surprised at all by the switcharoos.
Sometimes I make it more nonsensical. “Do YOU like green eggs and ham?” I ask my audience incredulously? “Shall we taste it and see?” We all dramatically feast on the visible green eggs and ham. Of course, on every page that contains a picture we must repeat the feast (and the ones that don’t because #toddlers). We feast and nom-nom-nom on the book, proving we are brave to try to the funny eggs and ham. As we do this, I plan the day I will actually place a plate of green eggs and ham I have dyed in front of each child and prove them all liars.
